Chillin at the Rancho - Part 2

Don Gabino my father in law. Now that´s a cool cat!



So if you need or want to lose weight…. Nicaragua is the place to come. I mean you can’t drive down to the local McDonalds whenever you want. Almost every meal comes with a heaping of rice and vegetables and small meat portions. Although I have to admit, they have discovered French fries and serve them with every meal! I mean even when you order a Filet Mignon, it is served with French Fries. Hey I am a fan of French fries so no worries there.



Now when you add the fact that you walk almost everywhere here in Nicaragua, you can’t help but lose weight when you come down here.

When I first arrived in my little town of Pueblo Nuevo I was driving my little clown car 3 blocks to the local internet café. Typical American right?

Now I have turned over a new leaf and I have started hoofing it around my little town. Hell, you can throw a rock from one side of town to the other… well almost.



I like the little road to get to the Rancho… It looks like a jungle road with a small river to one side…but don’t get too hammered or you will end up in the river for sure! There is no curb at all… just a drop to the river below.

So my buddy Mike told me a story about how he was driving his truck one night with a friend a little… well… Let’s just say… a little inebriated. So he gets pulled over by the cops and not only does he not have a valid driver’s license but he didn’t even have license plates or insurance on the truck he was driving. Not to mention the fact that his Visa has been expired for over 2 years. Yeah… the Visa that actually allows him to be in the freakin’ country!

So after some careful deliberations with the cop, the “said” cop gave Mike a DUI ticket and sent him on his away. WTF? You get a DUI and they give you a ticket and let you keep on driving? Yeah you get a ticket for DUI here! Wow….

Mike now has a driver to take him everywhere he wants to go these days…. Smart!

The Peace Corps flew us to Miami for 3 days of orientation before our departure to Nicaragua. After arriving in Miami and taking a shuttle to the hotel, I opened the door and there was this young white kid in the room on the phone babbling in Spanish. I didn’t understand a word he was saying.

I got nervous thinking that I bet all the other Peace Corps volunteers speak Spanish! That would not be the case. When he got off the phone I introduced myself and he told me he was Craig. I told him how excited I was and how I couldn’t wait to begin this big adventure.

“Dude aren’t you excited?”

He looked at me rather strangely and said “I guess… why should I be”? I took Craig out to a bar that night in Miami and Craig got literally falling down drunk after 2 beers… no lie! Within just a few hours that night Craig got drunk, sobered up and got drunk again… I had never seen anything like it in my life.

Craig would end up living in a small town about 45 minutes north of my town in Nicaragua and we became good friends. He was the closest volunteer stationed near me and we had some good times. I decided to ride my bike to Craig’s house one day down the hairiest mountain in Nicaragua. More on that story later.

Craig would eventually learn how to put down small amounts of Rum and Beer but he never was a big drinker. Now, a big jokester…. YES!Craig would end up living inside a small bank in an even smaller town called Condega. You just can´t make this shit up!

So the next day in Miami I decided to go down to our hotel bar for a beer…. I’m seeing a pattern here!

Anyways, so I am sitting down at the bar at the opposite end from some random guy. I was wearing an SDSU T-Shirt. The guy looks at me and says “Hey did you go to SDSU?”
I said, “No” perhaps not even realizing I was wearing the shirt. Perhaps I should have followed up with some other conversation… but I didn’t.

The next day in my Peace Corps orientation I saw the same guy. It turns out that the guy who asked me about my shirt was named Mitch and he was also a fellow Peace Corps volunteer in my group headed south!

Mitch would become one of my best friends in Nicaragua and he would later tell me that he thought I was a major asshole from that first meeting! I suppose I never was good on 1st impressions!

Mitch… well his name anyways, would one day become the most infamous names in Nicaraguan history. Hurricane Mitch hit Nicaragua in 1999…basically destroying the Northern part of Nicaragua (Yes… my home turf). The funny part was that I was actually traveling in my Ford F250 from San Diego on my way back to Nicaragua when the storm hit! I was on the border of Guatemala when the reports started coming in. More on that story later!

Here is my F250 that has put in some serious mileage and offroading action... now it´s for sale...It has seen better days for sure.



So I am sitting there at this orientation with 12 other people that would make up Nicaragua Group 6. Or as we would later come to be called, Nica 6.

At some point the person giving the orientation looked around at the 13 of us and said… “Look around, at least 3-4 of you will marry a local person… those are the odds.”

I looked around and laughed at these suckers! Man… these guys are going to get married? Luckily it won’t be me!

I mean…. I had decided long ago that marriage and me were not even in the cards! Marrying in Nicaragua? Not even a remote possibility!!!!

Well, the joke turned out to be on me! Out of our group of 13…. 3 didn’t make it past the first 3 months… and out of the remaining 10 volunteers in my group 5 ended up marrying local people… myself included.

When our plane arrived in Nicaragua, I remember walking out the door of the plane and the hot humid air blowing into my face…overwhelming me. I started sweating profusely at that very moment and I don’t think I stopped sweating for 3 months!
Back then they wheeled the stairs up to the plane and I remember walking down the stairs and looking around thinking I was on another planet! Then when we managed to make it through customs and immigration and finally get into our bus… I realized that I was not on another planet....



I realized that I was not on another planet but that I had really just been transported back in time! The airplane I had been on taking me to Nicaragua must have really been a time machine. A time machine taking me back to a time in history that I had only read about in text books.

On our bus taking us to the city of Granada, we passed oxen pulling carts of firewood, we raced past horses and mules. The cars on the road did not look like any cars I had ever seen. It turns out that they were really old Russian cars left behind from when the Russians and Cubans were working with the Sandinistas in the 70´s.

Our bus took us to a hotel in the small colonial town of Granada. Granada is a now thriving tourist town on the shores of a large lake. People take enormous amounts of pride in the city. It has very cool interesting colonial style architecture. An American named William Walker sacked the city in the 1800’s and then burned it! He would later go on to proclaim himself President of Nicaragua. Americans have basically been fucking this country ever since!



When I arrived at my hotel in Granada all I remember was the heat. We had arrived in the hottest month of the year. High 90’s with the same degree of humidity! Tropical hell! I remember taking a shower, getting out, toweling off, getting dressed and then being just as wet as when I got out of the shower.

The heat was unbearable and the pitiful A.C. in our hotel room just barely passed as a fan. I began losing weight that week and it was a steady progression for the next 3months. The Peace Corps nurses would eventually pull me to the side each time they saw me and make me hop on the scale to see if I was going to completely melt away!

So the coffee measurement came up a tad short of the 4 manzanas… so we had to go back to the negotiation table… more fun…. We got it all sorted out and now they are cutting back the weeds on the property as part of the deal. Everything should be finalized on Friday. I come home the conquering hero for making a great deal, well hopefully!



I’m listening to Bob Marley right now…. I’m back at the Rancho a few days after my last blog. I listened to a lot of Reggae when I was in the Peace Corps. I mean a lot. One of my buddies lived on a small Caribbean Island called Corn Island on the East Coast of Nicaragua. Man he had it made! I mean the clearest blue waters you ever saw. Everybody listened to Reggae on the Island. The Caribbean side of Nicaragua has African slave descendants that American and Europeans brought over to work the Banana plantations and extract hard wood in the area way back when. So it has the Jamaican Caribbean vibe. Tim ended up turning me onto a lot of Reggae that I had never heard. He also ended up extending his Peace Corps service an extra year… Smart!

One of the nicer houses in Pueblo Nuevo....



People are once again rolling into the Rancho, just a few. Hey, it is Tuesday after all. I guess people come here to eat too!

So as new Peace Corps volunteers we began going to meetings each day, all day. We were learning about the culture, language, social customs, etc… In the evenings we went to the local bars and drank! One night we went to a circus that was in town. I remember being slightly frightened! The sights, sounds and smells were all new and unique.

The first big question all the volunteers had was where would we all be living for our first three months of training. All we knew is that we would be living in some part of Nicaragua with a Nicaraguan family and we would be studying Spanish and the culture for 3 months.



After much secrecy and meetings and back and forth…Finally they told me I would be living in Masaya. A major city… Yes! But I would be living specifically in Monimbo a small “hood” where the indigenous population lived. One of the last ancestral Indian cultures of Nicaragua. Basically they were putting me in the freaking ghetto of Masaya… nice! Not only that… this is where the Sandinista uprising took hold. Great!

The local carpenter and his shop...



Taking a break...



So now after living for a week in a “nice” hotel with shitty air conditioning and receiving all my meals from a restaurant I was being driven to Monimobo, Masaya to live with a local family. Can you say nervous? I was so freaking scared. I was leaving all my friends and my safety net. This was it!

They dropped me off with my Nicaraguan family said a few words and away the Peace Corps went. Bye have fun!

A big Native American looking man and a pretty blondish Spanish looking lady greeted me. I noticed a baby swinging lazily in a hammock in the living room. They showed me my room that was actually kind of nice. It had a small bed and a dresser and it was all mine. I dropped off my luggage and then went to the living room where we began a pathetic attempt of communication. Basically I didn’t understand a word they said and my Spanish was atrocious. This is when I realized that my 4 years of High School Spanish and 1 year of college Spanish was basically a pile of shit and good for nothing!

All I remember in our first conversation was me having to pee so bad I thought I would bust. I remember trying to talk to them but really just having to go! I finally tried to tell them my concerns in Spanish that I needed to get to a toilet fast...but my attempts were to no avail and finally making some hand gestures that were abundantly clear to all present they thankfully pointing me in the right direction.

The next 3 months would prove to be extremely interesting and at times somewhat dangerous and life threatening!

So they booted me out of one part of the Rancho because there is a big meeting… Although they put me in one of the little Ranchos that seems perfect for me.. better light and an electric outlet for my computer. Life is good! Oh man… I just found out that they are having an AA meeting… no wonder they are hiding me way back here! I should have known when I saw then busting out the coffee maker! Man… I should ask them when the next meeting is!

Eric Donaldson is one of the Reggae bands that Tim turned me onto. Man… one of my all time favorites!



So let’s talk about getting some perspective.

We get so caught up in the running around in the States that we sometimes forget to sit back and get some perspective on life! We are like little rats running around a maze occasionally we get into the wheel and go around in circles. We sometimes are stuck in a rut and fail to progress.

It seems we are always striving for the almighty dollar. This is our main objective within the maze. Find the dollars… and when we actually do find them, we want to find more! Thus, we wage the epic struggle which is the pursuit of money. Hey, I’m in the same fucking rat money maze too. I won’t lie. I want that money too!

I think we all realize that money is not everything. However, we also are smart enough to realize that money can make our lives a hell of a lot easier! Therein lies the dichotonomy.

Therefore I think it is imperative for all of us to find a way to step back, and find some sort of perspective on what is important to us in life. We need to find some sort of semblance of reality. And within this reality we are allowed to visualize that which makes us truly happy! Or so the philosophy goes… I mean I just studied all that right brain shit in college. What do I really know?



Regardless, I personally search for these brief moments of clarity when I visit Nicaragua. Here I am able to clear the various cobwebs from my brain and if for only a brief point in time, I am able to leap over the walls of the money maze and wander freely within my own beliefs, my own happiness and my own feelings of love and hope.

Yes, here in Nicaragua I find my personal freedom. Here I am Kevin… the ideological young man with the same spark for life that I once possessed when I decided to join the Peace Corps many moons before! Man this is getting sappy!

The local Western Union...




GIVE ME THE MONEY NOW!



Well… I must admit, in the beginning when I first returned to the United States after living in Nicaragua for 2 ½ years, I did not relate to anybody.

I mean I had just returned from an extremely mind altering experience. Kind of like tripping on acid for 2 and a half years! Now how do I co-exist in this strange world that I left behind?

The Peace Corps had tried to prepare me for re-entering the United States. They told me that there would be aftershock. They told me that I would not be able to relate to people when I first returned. They told me I would have various feelings of longing for my adopted country of Nicaragua. They told me that I may not feel that I belonged in the U.S.

Well they were right! Fuckin’ A they were right! When I returned to the good ol’ U.S. of A I felt like I had once again been transported back to another planet! A strange and distant planet that I had trouble relating to!

I felt like I could never view the U.S. exactly the same. Basically I felt like Ozzy Ozbourne in the epic song… “I’m going off the rails on a crazy train”. Do you like how I tie heavy metal into my writings??

Now many years later I am rocking to that same song and finding parallels in the words?

So I am 15 years old and my buddy John says hey Kevin let’s go see a Punk Show tonight. Well who the hell am I to say no? So we go up to the local show one night at Wabash Hall. We had both snuck out of the house that night. Black Flag was the band for the night! I remember there was a little stage and all these crazy looking people all around.

Then out of nowhere some crazy drug addict looking guys came walking by John and I and then they jumped on the foot high stage and started just screaming their lungs out!

Turns out they were Black Flag… They just starting going off! Everybody starting slamming and I was scared out of my wits! Eventually my buddy and I jumped into the mayhem and began throwing our bodies around in sync. John continues to be one of my best friends today!

John made a pilgrimage down to Nicaragua with me at one point! Props to him! I was able to show him my other world.

I think everybody needs to journey outside their realm of comfort in order to find meaning. Life is more than money and running through a maze. Life is about finding purpose...

Maybe... right? But then again, what do I know?

Chillin´at the Rancho...

Today I slept about 4 hours… major siesta… that was after sleeping in too… I guess the warm air just makes you tired down here! Here is a picture of my house in Nicaragua and my little clown rental car!



My neighbors...



My street...


My outdoor stove...




Now I am chillin at the Rancho drinking a beer..





So I made some headway on buying 4 manzanas of coffee. I think the deal is going through. Lots of back and forth and points when you think the deal will never happen. Business is done much differently down here. First you sit around and chit chat for about ½ an hour and then you subtly bring up the business at hand. They state their opinion and then you state yours. You haggle some. Then they get mad and threaten to leave then you get mad and threaten to leave. And finally after this give and take...you seal the deal with a handshake. Usually the bickering is about such petty things I can’t help but feel I should just give in but then you won’t be respected and the next deal you do you will get fucked for sure!

Tomorrow we will measure the property to ensure the size is as quoted and then we will have the lawyers do their thing on Monday. 1 manzana is equivalent to approximately 1.77 acres. That will bring us up to about 20 manzanas total or 35 acres of coffee…. Little by little! Of course all my peeps will be the first to get a shot at buying our delicious coffee when we manage to get it to the states! Ha! Crop comes in around December… taking orders now!


Rocking to a little Iron Maiden…. Ear phones dialed in! Man you have to love computers…. My typing becomes so much faster when I bust out the heavy metal! So hard to keep the fingers from doing the devil ears when I rock this stuff… I wonder what my Nicaraguan friends would think to see me just start major head bangin’… devil ears rockin’… tear off my shirt! Fuck yeah! 22 Acacia Avenue! They should rename the Rancho! This just in: Insane Gringo banging his head hard at local Rancho Bar and fingers permanently affixed to the devil ear sign. Must be some sort of voodoo!

Saturday night here in Nicaragua… should get fun tonight. Hopefully I’ll be safely tucked away in bed when all the madness starts going down. Early in early out is my philosophy! Just trying to keep it simple! Ok mixing it up with Jimmy Buffet and The Eagles. Music sounds so good down here. You sometimes feel that you are sooo very far away from everything you know down here. When you start listening to an old favorite like Tequila Sunrise everything comes back into perspective and life is all good!

Small ranchos around the big rancho...


Beer 3 now with Led Zeppelin bringing me up the Stairway….. They leave the empty beer bottles on the table. I guess it makes it easier to total up your final bill, but it also lets everybody else around you know how much you are throwing back! Weird!

Yeah… Nicaragua is a really cool and extremely interesting country. You definitely have to come here with an open mind however. This is definitely not your Club Med experience. Things can definitely be tough! The weather can be hot, humid and depending on where you are and what time of year it is, outright unbearable. The food can be great one day and the worse crap you ever ate the next. The bathrooms are an adventure every time! You never know what exactly you are walking into! You could walk into a normal toilet or it could be a hole in a cement slab going down into the most stinky pit imaginable.





Different philosophies on life too: When I was staying at the beach I saw the coolest neon red crabs with bright yellow spots constantly cruising everywhere around the property. Then you would see Mike come running by like superman and splat! Smashed crab guts all over! He would stomp on the craps with his foot and then kick them to the side… apparently they eat all his tropical plants and foliage that he spends hours planting. They also dig deep holes all around the property. Now a regular person may freak out on this…. I don’t mind… and when I saw a couple crabs one night creeping to my feet... well I just kicked them out of the Rancho… but I spared the guy’s life.

I nicknamed Mike, “Crab Killer”! He said these type of crabs suck to eat or make soup out of so he doesn’t mind splatting them! Stacey gave me some gigantic shrimp one night with this honey jalapeno dip that was out of this world! The shrimp were caught just up the coast… fresh and yummy and cheap! Crab is in abundance down here too! Hopefully we can get the kind we want to eat next time!

The northern part of Nicaragua… specifically the Esteli region is famous for cattle, cigars and coffee. The cigars are so smooth you don’t really feel like you are smoking. You don’t inhale the smoke to begin with, so you are just left with this really mild taste. They blow away any other cigars in the world! Cuba? Yeah, whatever! Most of the owners of the tobacco here are from Cuba! They know a good thing when they see it, or when they smoke it… in this situation!

Now if everybody can just Stop, Collaborate and Listen! Oh boy……… Now that party is jumping…. I may need to switch up to some Gran Reserva (Rum).

Now this is a roof....


Change is so slow in Nicaragua. It is so slow that it is hard to see. Yes there is definite change but for the casual observer you can almost miss it!

I think I need to make a trip back down to Granada and Masaya soon where I began my Nicaraguan journeys. This may put some perspective on the change. I first came to Nicaragua in March of 1995. I was an idealistic young man searching for meaning in my existence. I had been working in the Department of Social Services for the previous 2 years after graduating from college from Chico State with my Business Degree.

I graduated in a recession and I soon became convinced the cards were all stacked against me. I mean I had gone to college and graduated fulfilling all the preaching I had been subjected to since I was basically in the womb. I took the tough route in college… with my Business Degree. I didn’t do the Communications or Physical Education Bull Shit… sorry to those who did. But I took the tough route… hard math classes and right side brain bull shit!

When I graduated I held that fucking piece of paper… (my business degree) up like a torch. High in the sky expecting the world to lay down before me. Here it is…. Throw your money at my feet now! Man was I in for a rude awakening. People could have given a shit less about that piece of paper. When things are tough in the States… that piece of paper represents money that somebody can’t afford to pay you! OVER FUCKING QUALIFIED!

So I got my little government job doling out the welfare. My first actual real job and one of the few jobs I am actually proud of by the way. The job allowed me to work a 4-10 week. Basically 4 days a week 10 hours a day. So I had 3 days off each week. I soon began traveling south into Mexico the very minute my 3 day break began. I began traveling further and further south each week in my little VW Camper Van. I would surf and camp out, drink beers… I was really searching....

There I was searching and searching for some sort of meaning to my existence. I eventually came to the realization that I needed something more…. I’m not sure exactly how it came to me. Yet one day… the Peace Corps started to burn into my brain! The more I looked into it the more the Peace Corps started to fill the void for me and my quest was on! I began filling out all the forms and paperwork that was required. I took some exams I believe and I finally got my interview set. I put my best suit on and travelled up to L.A. Imagine my surprise when I hit L.A. traffic! Shit.

I called to say that I was running late. I got there about ½ hour late knowing that I had probably blown all my chances of making it into the Peace Corps. However the girl that interviewed me was so cool and laid back (an ex-peace corps volunteer… but I didn’t know what that meant at the time). Even as I apologized profusely for arriving late she just said no worries. She asked ne a series of questions basically to determine if I was a fucking nut case for wanting to go into the Peace Corps and give up 2 years of my life!

Her final question to me was this simple one, “Kevin what are you running from by joining the Peace Corps”? I didn’t hesitate, looked her directly in her eyes and said, “I am not running from anything, I am running to something. The Peace Corps is calling me and has been calling me for many years. I am running to the Peace Corps.”

“WOW I never heard that answer” was her response. At that moment I knew I was in.

Everything I had said was true. I had opened my heart to the Peace Corps and there was no other destiny for me! A month later the letter came in the mail.

Easy E is now telling me to Fuck the Police… now I do subscribe to that philosophy on occasion… but now that I am older and wiser I don’t trip that hard on the policia. Especially down here! The Rancho is definitely filling up! Down here you only need to be 18 to drink… and the young bloods are coming in getting their drink on! Thankfully they are listening to the melodic music of Vincente Fernandez… if I started piping my Ozzy through their speaker system this crowd may get out of control! Out of fucking control for sure!

Me and my computer...



There is a special bicycle section for the bar…. Nice!



Reminds me of a DUI on a bicycle I once received in college in the small town of Chico, CA. Where the judge laughed and asked if that was an actual crime and he had to open up his criminal code book! More on that story later! Ozzy is just going off right now… man I love guitar riffs! The Rancho is filling up… I’m getting buzzed….almost time to smoke my cigar and get out of here! Oh…. MR. Crowley…. I mean Cromley…. Ozzy missed this song by one letter!

Man… my music is so heavy tonight! Moving away from the soft stuff! Ozzy can definitely throw down!

OK Time to switch to rum! Down here you just buy the whole bottle. No messing around and they kick down a bottle of coke a bucket of ice and away you go...




So I will let you in on a little secret! I brought my mom with me on this trip! Yes my mom passed away recently. I was given her ashes. And well I am spreading those puppies all over Nicaragua. I want her to see my travels. I put some in the ocean where I stayed down in Mechapa Beach. I will put some in the cemetery here in Pueblo Nuevo and I will spread some around my house down here in Nicaragua. Ashes to ashes dust to dust… now rock on!



I’ve found that the back of a wooden match makes for an excellent poker for a cigar! I don’t know if it is positive or negative but the younger crowd seems to have learned how to drink and hold their booze and the weird violence that used to pervade in Nicaraguan bars seems to have subsided. However I think this has more to do with economics and the fact that most of the young men here seem to have money to buy beer and not have to split a bottle of cheap alcohol which generally leads to more violence…

micro-economic solutions to major problems such as early pregnancy, violence to women, etc…



In fact looking around, I am the only person sucking down the RUM…

Cigar is fired up… a slow burn…. Smooth and controlled!

Now the night draws to a close….

Closing in on last call………. My personal last call!
The electicity just went out here at the Rancho…. Only my computer is shedding light on the topic… Iron Maiden is now busting hard.

Now the electricity is back on. It was only a bref moment of obscurity! Or was it rather a brief moment of clarity?????

Now there I was standing there with my Peace Corps letter in my hands... I was so nervous! Even though I knew the result… I still opened it with trepidation.

There were the words laid out before me…. Congratulations Kevin, you have been accepted into the Peace Corps. If you accept you will be stationed in Nicaragua and will be leaving in 2 months. First thought... FUCK YEAH!!!! Second thought: O.K. Where in the fuck is Nicaragua?

Now my first choice had been to go to a Caribean Island followed by South America and finally Central America. I had been surfing awhile and I wanted to be near the coast. After busting out every map I could get my hands on I finally said, Oh hell yeah I will go to Nicaragua!

I had heard all the rumors about Ollie North Iran/Contra scandal, Sandinistas, etc… I actually imagined living in a jungle with rebels carrying AK47’s patrolling all around my hut.... But I really didn’t care. The Peace Corps would not steer me wrong.

My life changed drastically that very day. I have been reaping the benefits of my decision ever since. Life is all about forks in the road… Often times picking the less traveled, tougher path can make all the difference in your life....

Beach Adventures

Last night as I slept 10 feet from the ocean, the skies began to thunder. The loud explosions sounded like they were directly above my little cabana. That mixed with the roaring of the ocean yards away made for a nerve racking night. When I awoke, I watched the ocean lap just steps away from my cabin.

There is a river that runs parallel to the cabins here at Redwood Beach Resort. Apparently this year the tides have come up higher than usual and there has also been more rain than usual so the water has been carving down the sides of the land with the cabins facing the river which flows into the ocean. The owners are in an epic battle with mother nature trying to redirect the river and also redirect the flow of the small lake that it flows into. The erosion is very devastating and getting closer and closer to their beachfront cabins.

Apparently an ex Peace Corps volunteer runs a small backpackers hotel on the beach about 30 kilometers south of this spot and woke up one night to the tide rising and the next thing you know they were 4 feet underwater! How would you like to be a guest on that night?

This morning after coffee...





we went to the local fish shack to shop for some dinner...







The fishermn fish all night and come home in the morning with their catch...


Sleeping after a hard night´s work....

We made our purchases and on our way we went...





So for this year´s trip I decided to save some money and rent a little economy car. Since I’m here for 3 weeks, that’s like a $1000 dollar savings over renting a 4x4. Well we call these clown cars down here because they are so small and funny looking. Suzuki Alto… don’t see many in the States.

So I had no problem getting to the beach… a few bumps and mini rivers to forge. However, with the big thunder came some big rain too. I was dreading this because I had planned to head back to the mountains and I knew the little rivers I had crossed a few days before were going to be some problems.

Fortunately Mike… Mike and Stacey own the hotel here at Redwood Beach Resort. They are a great American couple and really know the area. I have been coming here and hanging out at their hotel with them for over 4 years. We go kayaking, fishing, surfing, boating and we hike the local volcano. In the evenings we all sit around sipping cocktails or we play pool or bachi ball and I tell them about the states and they tell me about Nicaragua. They are great friends.

Anyways, Mike decided to accompany back to the big major city of Chinandega about 2 hours away. He needed some supplies but I think he really wanted to make sure I made it back in one piece. He brought his tow straps just in case. They would be put to some could use! After visiting the local cockfighting center...







we ran into the first major river and it turned pretty ugly. Now normally you can just slowly go right through these things. The first couple times I did it I was nervous… especially when the water comes up over your hood! Now I kind of just blow through them.... Well I did manage to get across the water but then we got stuck in the mud.



The next guys to come along tried to go around me in some beat up truck and he got stuck too…



So now here we are blocking the whole river. It didn’t take long but the next thing you know a Nicaraguan who used to live in Miami and spoke perfect English showed up and 20 other Nicaraguans all pitched in and pulled us out. The Nicaraguan guys also had a cooler full of beers! It was hot so Mike and I enjoyed a cold beer as everybody helped drag us out of the mud. I took a look inside the beater truck and his gear shifter was all rotted out and you could see the river flowing underneath his truck from the inside… nice! We told the guys to go hve some beers on the house at Mike´s hotel!




So we had fun bouncing around the rest of the road racing through mini lakes and fishtailing on mud roads… The 4x4 would have definitely been more fun… but the little Suzuki held its own and made for some fun times.

Mike and I decided to stop at this place called Los Asseradoras where a French guy recently opened a restaurant/hotel. He is up on some hills with a 360 degree view of the ocean and mountains about 2 kilometers from the beach.







The view is absolutely beautiful. He was preparing a meal for a professional surfer Kelly Beck and her friends who own a place just down the hill on the beach. He also ferments rum with a variety of flavors: ginger, passion fruit, cinnamon, garlic and others. We sampled a few and they were delicious.



We had a nice chat with another guy from Germany and a girl from England. They had been bouncing around the country for over a year. It was a mini United Nations meeting!




Here is Mike!



After awhile we finally decided we better get going....or we were gonna polish off this guy´s rum! Since he was friends with Mike he didn´t even charge us anything... nice! I gave him a couple of my prized cigars from my mountain town Esteli... his eyes lit up! And away we went on our trip again...

These guys were working hard tossing watermellons on the road...



We finally made it to Chinandega. Now the rule is whenever you arrive in a big city in Nicaragua you always find a good restaurant and have a good meal. We decided on a great Filet Mignon lunch… $6 bucks each. Then I dropped him off with a friend of his to do his supply shopping and I started heading back to the mountain… on an actual freeway. YES! Or so I thought!

I had only gone about 3 kilometers when I was stopped in a huge traffic jam. It seems two semi’s had crashed into each other and one of the trucks had 7000 gallons of gasoline which spilled all over the 2 lane highway backing it up for miles. So there I sat for another 4 hours!



They eventually got the road cleaned up and I got on my way. I drove for another 5 hours in the evening passing various obstacles… cows, horses, local cops… and in one part a drunk guy standing in the middle of the road not moving... like a freakin statue!

COW LAYING IN ROAD!


I’m finally back in my home in the mountains unwinding after another fun and adventure trip to the beach. Time for my siesta!

"Que Hay?"

Que Hay?

So I have arrived in Nicaragua. I was flying down some dirt road in my rental car. My rental car that looks like a clown car from the circus.



Anyways I’m flying down some dirt road in the middle of what seems like a lush jungle in the northern mountainous regions of Nicaragua near the border of Honduras when a hen comes darting out into the road up in front of my path. I hit the brakes hard and began slowing just in time to see a trail of chicks frantically scrambling behind their mom trying desperately to clear my path. I thought for sure I had hit the last little straggler and I looked into my rear view mirror in anticipation of seeing the splattered remains of a little chick. However, I was happily greeted to the sight of that little chick jumping into the bushes and disappearing into the lush foliage in quick pursuit of of its mother.

Then a cop pulled me over for trying to drive around a couple semi's. I mean everybody does it! After 15 minutes of arguing... I said hey just take $3 and let me be on my way... I normally don't like participating in the whole bribery deal...but I was tired and the cop looked funny and I just said the hell with hit... I mean it's $3 freakin dollars!



Last night the rain came down hard and long. The rain came down so hard onto my tin roof that the Spanish television program I was watching was inaudible… completely drowned out… no pun intended. Not that I minded much. The rain would continue to come down hard for 6 straight hours and the little trickle of water down the hill from my house turned into a raging river. San Diego would be an island if that much rain came down in that period! The electricity went off and on sporadically throughout the night.

Nobody panics when your suddenly sitting in the pitch black of night. In fact this is usually the cause of great laughter as people scatter and fumble around looking for a candles and matches. Perhaps these situations can attest to the progress in Nicaragua... because although the electricity may go out haphazardly; everybody seems to have a cell phone which they pull out in times like these and they are put to good use as temporary flashlights. Ahh progress!

Now the day after the big rain everything is wet. However it does not appear as though a major rain just happened. Everything is wet and lush but not flooded. The streets are dry for the most part. Everything is moist and somewhat sticky. In a few days I will head to the beach. The trip will be a true adventure… a long, windy and twisted road. The Beatles must have visited the northern Pacific coast of Nicaragua when they wrote “The Long and Windy Road”!



I decided to stop by the town “Rancho”. Rancho is a bar/restaurant. It is open air with a huge palm thath roof and a bar. Tables are scattered around under the giant palm roof. There are other smaller ranchos spread around too. People sit around the different tables drinking beer and rum. They serve great food here all cooked over a wood burning stove.



Kids are free to run around or watch T.V. and the music is always vibrating loudly throughout from speakers hanging sporadically around the branches which serve as the skeleton of the "Rancho". Good times are had here for all! The regulars only give the Gringo a passing glance. After coming to Pueblo Nuevo yearly and owning a house here for more that 13 years… I am no longer a novelty in this small town of 2,000 where the main mode of transportation is bicycle followed by horse or mule, motorcycles and the rare vehicle.




Pueblo Nuevo is a small town high in the mountains. Pueblo Nuevo is surrounded by farms growing crops of beans, onions, peppers, corn, tobacco. Pueblo Nuevo is also surrounded by higher mountains which when you ascend you will find some of the best coffee in the world growing on mountain slopes and valleys in a natural forest like setting.

We own about 20 acres of coffee here. When we originally purchased the land I remember walking around and I found the land to be thick, lush and confusing. I became so lost that I did not know which direction I was walking or even how to return. Looking up was no help because I was surrounded by large trees and rows and rows and rows of coffee bushes. I was hot sweaty and tired after walking only a short distance within the land. I can only imagine the difficult task of picking each coffee bean by hand when the crop comes in. Some of the coffee grows on slopes so steep that I couldn’t imagine going down without a rope. Yet these people have been picking these same beans for over a hundred years and they are skilled enough to not need ropes or any equipment.

Some day we will figure out how to export the coffee to the U.S. and make some good money but for now we are content to sell the crops to coffee wholesalers at a pittance of its true value. The little money we do make allows us to slowly grow our operation and buy more coffee land every few years. It also helps pay for our trips down to Nicaragua and it puts some money in the pockets of her family who runs the farm.

The Rancho sells ribs cooked over open flames, barbequed chicken fried plantains, rice, etc… The funny part is that there are no menus. Most small restaurants in small towns throughout Nicaragua are the same. You basically ask what they have. “Que Hay”? When you do find a restaurant with menus they normally will only hand out one per table not to each individual. Then after considerable time spent studying the menu, your conversation will go like this, “I’ll have the chicken.” “No hay” oh man…. “o.k. I’ll have the fish.” “No hay” and on and on. Until finally in exacerbation you go back to the classic line, “Que hay”?

I’ve learned after so many years not to get upset and just start the conversation with, “Que Hay”? Much simpler and less stressful. Furthermore, when the beers are cold, the weather is wet and sticky, the tunes are cranking, why become upset over trivialities? Well? Huh? I mean this is the exact reason I travel outside of the U.S. to decompress! I mean living in the U.S. has great advantages but sometimes you feel as though you are living inside a pressure cooker!

I mean you are constantly worried about making money, spending money saving money losing money, jobs, getting a job, maintaining a job, losing a job, getting a better job, rising within your job, getting an education, getting more education, your kids’ education, are they getting a good education. Having kids, raising kids, getting kids to school, getting kids into sports and activities, making sure they are successful in their activities. Making sure our kids do their homework, doing it properly, not enough homework, too much homework, good teachers, good schools, friends, not enough friends, too many friends, the right friends, the right neighborhood. Personal time, relationships, family time, personal fitness, healthy foods, correct diet, friendships waking up on time… getting enough sleep, etc….
AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

In the end the pressure cooker pounds on us so hard we need to find some sort of escape.

Coming to Nicaragua allows me to decompress. I sleep pretty much the first 2-3 days upon my arrival. Wake up, eat, nap time, wake up, dinner time, read a little and then time for bed. After 2-3 days of this I start to get some energy again. The pace is so slow here people spend hours talking to friends, relaxing, enjoying life. Yes they work too and have kids and raise families but they just don’t seem so frantic about every aspect of their lives.



So.... here it is a couple days later and I've arrived at the beach w my host Mike and Stacey who own a hotel on the beach which is actually small cabins located directly on the beach in the Northern Pacific region of Nicaragua.

On my travels to the beach...I managed to end up in the middle of a Sandinista caravan of hundreds of buses and trucks on their way to Nicaragua's capital to celebrate their independence day! These guys are so hard core they even ride on top of the buses!




So I am now at Redwood Beach... in Mechapa, Nicaragua. The surf is big and formidable.... I am staying in a cabin steps from the beach.... check them out at redwoodbeachresort.com



This is one of the most remote parts of Nicaragua. I was literally driving through lakes and riverbeds to get here.... but oh man.... is it one of the most beautiful unspoiled beaches in the world! Now we are going to play pool "American Style" with the beach as our background! Mike is going to get spanked! After spanking Mike in pool... I will definitely be hungry and I will politely ask, "QUE HAY"???????