Bob keeps me grounded and soulful...

Yes... life throws us in turmoil... spins us around like we are in a washing machine. Life shakes us like a rag doll... beats the shit out of us. Life can really try our faith and spirit...

When I find myself in these low... dark caverns; I bust out my Bob Marley... My spirits lift... I feel a sense of being... I become grounded and present. Life begins to have a semblance of clarity. Bob lifts me up! Bob sparks a fire within me and makes me soulful and content.

I'm listening to Bob as I type... my head sways from side to side... my inner "chi" is in line... meditation is achieved. Nirvana is still a possibility.

If even for such a brief and ever so forceful and meaningful time... i am transported and the mundane bullshit of day to day existence is trivial and meaningless... I am one w my spirit...

Wow... all that and No... I'm not smoking pot!!!! Here is to you Bob... a prophet in our day....

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery
None but ourselves can free our mind
Woh, have no fear for atomic energy
'Cause none of them-a can-a stop-a the time
How long shall they kill our prophets
While we stand aside and look?
Yes, some say it's just a part of it
We've got to fullfill the book
Won't you help to sing
These songs of freedom?
'Cause all I ever had
Redemption songs
All I ever had
Redemption songs
These songs of freedom
Songs of freedom

Nesta Robert "Bob" Marley, February 6 1945 – May 11 1981 RIP!!!

Tweetle fucking Dee and Dweedle Fucking Dumb!

So ambivalent about the state of things as we approach the culmination of years of obscurity and people trying to hide or change known truths or in the worse circumstances... believing in arcaic.... self serving ideological SHIT!

Thus the Tweedle Dee's and the Tweedle fucking Dumbs of the world slow the inevitable progression of man into the future and delay the launching of cerebral vessels into uncertain and unknown waters. Yet, now we flounder, into known waters and existences in which we so readily accept and fail to venture forward to discover!

Thus, this ideological ineptness of the passive and somewhat stupid "Twiddle Dee" is obscuring the future and driving the Tweedle Fucking Dumb down a blind and unrealistic future....

There are those that know and accept the true vision and destiny of the majority and the unknown... well... we shall never know the unknown... the only fact that we do actually know is that our destiny is an obscure path that leads us forward...

So for all you fucking idiots that try to open paths that lead backwards I say Fuck You and that we will forever progress... your stupidity will not further your cause and I only hope one day you will realize that your ignorance has only deterred those with a somewhat nodule of intelligence and a belief in that which is true and which shall be;

We are individuals... not pods of subhuman conformists! While our culture molds us in the latter.... our brains lead us to the former.... And as such, our paths will lead us to unknown truths about our existence and our ultimate purpose!!!

Therefore I say to you Tweedle Dee... take your friend Tweedle Dumb out to the desert and shoot him in his head and then take the gun and point it at yourself... and pull the fucking trigger....

Of course this is only a metaphor~~!!!!!

Easter

So I am sitting here rocking to some old school music. The Cure. Man, I dig that band. Perhaps my all time favorite! Tomorrow is Easter. At what point to we slow down, stop and take it all in? At what time can we reflect on what it means to be here....

I think Easter must be one of those times.... it comes at a weird point. We are busy with school and work and all the bullshit that comes with our merry go round world...

The resurection. Wow... the defining moment in our history. The moment when our lives came to have meaning. How we interpret that meaning is diverse and immense. I am still trying to sort through these different feelings and beliefs... always searching for higher meaning and connections.

I have long ago decided that rejection of faith in its entirety is really not a truthful connection with my core yet a ploy to invoke feelings in others...

I strive to reach the plateau where my true feelings and desires reign supreme above all else. However this state of being must also be in relation to a strong sense of empathy for others.

This combination will lead me to a road of self satisfaction for both my self purpose and that of my fellow man. Lofty goals I am sure!

For now... I move ever subtly forward... creeping along... trying to make a difference... often failing!

Spinning the wheels

Ever feel like you are spinning your wheels?



O.K. let's break that down... What do I really mean by saying spinning your wheels?

O.K. you have seen racecars on a racetrack right? Well when they try to take off a little too fast.... what with their tires being so smoothe.... at times the tires literally spin in circles but the vehicle goes nowhere.

I'm sure most people have driven in the rain and experienced this same phenomenon.

Well... sometimes I equate my life to this exact same motion. I move fast... in fact I sprint with all my might forward... I feel that I have travelled so far... and then I look around and I am at the same spot. Yeah.. that's right I am still at the same exact fucking spot in which I started. What? This makes no sense..... I was just running like a madman... I should be way farther ahead...right? Hello? Is anybody listening? I said... I was just running my fucking ass off like Jesse Owens and I have not moved an inch forward... What is that? What is that? What is that?

Well these are the telltale signs.... O.K. so if you ever go sailing... there are these small little strings or ribbons that are placed on the sails. At anytime you can look up and determine the wind and how your boat is moving by the direction of these "telltale sign".

If the ribbon is up... it means that the wind is blowing hard and you do not have your sails adjusted properly to catch all the wind and move faster. If the ribbon is blowing directly back you are sailing at the correct angle with the wind. If the ribbon is pointing directly down that means you have no wind and you are probably not moving!

So spiritually I feel my telltale signs are pointing down. I do not feel as though I am moving forward on my spiritual journey. I have come to these conclusions sporadically over the course of my life and each and every time I have felt these signals I have made a major shift. Usually this has involved some type of major travelling journey.

For now... I know I must remain grounded... although I am being called for a journey... I know it is somewhat distant. Although I know I must make this journey eventually to progress on my path.

For now... I must be content in the small strides I make on a daily basis.... tiny steps on a path that is pulling me farther and farther away from my current location!

I must remain grounded. Although my future and my destiny is forever skyward...

Embracing the hood or breaking free...

So I have opened up this little thrift store in a strip mall across the street from my true business www.aperfectshine.com. OK that was a little plug.... Anyways I own the building where I have my office...

Many years back... I was asked numerous times if we did trash outs and hauling and the like... of course whenever these questions arised my little brain started reacting like the hamster in the cage.... ok yes the wheels were turning....

So eventually I bought a pick up truck and said yes to the next person that asked that question. Over time I purchased bigger and bigger trucks to the point that when I bought my current office... little did i know I was already at maximum capacity with the big truck the little truck, the carpet cleaning vans and the maid services cars...

Next thing I know we had begun doing yard sales in front of the office on a regular basid due to all the big stuff and sometimes good stuff that we were obtaining....

So I eventually came to the realization that we should open up a thrift store across the street in the strip mall in front of us. O.K. so I negotiated a killer lease... I got all the crap out of our lot in the back of our cleaning operation and moved into the new digs across the street.

Now the people have embraced us and we are doing decent money... at least enough to break even. However the owners of the stripmall are assholes and do not want to support or embrace a new company. We have floated the idea of perhaps renting a bigger area up to 5,000 sq ft... with paying more and in addition adding in the fact that we would maintain the property.... clean, sweep, pressure wash, etc... it is funny to see how owners w money can be so ignorant! I mean this strip mall has several (A LOT) vacancies and I feel one reason is the cleanliness of the area..

I am willing to help out in that area... But eventually I keep coming back to the prospect of whether I should invest all this time and energy into "the hood"! I mean I could easily shift my whole operation into a more positive business friendly area... up north....

Yeah I would pay a little more, but maybe make more money and deal w other more simple problems as opposed to the "hood" problems...

I alays felt like I wanted to embrace the hood and thrive in the hood! I have... but now where do I go? Do I need to break out of the hood or continue to prosper and negotiate all the obstacles that are a part of the hood?

Tough questions...

Chillin in La Mesa Part 2

Trivialities of Life

Wow.... life is such a huge balancing act. Human emotions are so weak and fragile. Frienships snap like a weak fragile vase dropping precariously to the ground. What we view as reality one day... is magically transformed to a new alternate reality the next. And so we traverse down this path day in and day out. We balance so softly on an air of vulnerability never knowing where to go or from where we have left...

We circulate mindlessly, weightless.... void of matter... forever being bounced from one circumstance to the next.... forever longing for stability and meaning...

We search for the strength of land as we bounce around in a sea of uncertainty... and all the false possessions we have acquired over time become moot and meaningless....

And so we move endlessly forward always trying to obtain the prevailing winds of exhultation, exhuberance and contentment!

Chillin in La Mesa Part 1

So I am back in San Diego listening to The Cure. I took about two weeks off when I got back.... basically recovering from my vacation! I mean you need to rev it up slowly after slowing down to a turtle's pace right?

Now I am back almost full throttle. I have been working my ass off. Perhaps even more than I have in the past 4 years! I am definitely getting tired and wondering where it is all going. Although I seem to slow down considerably in Nicaragua, I feel I have more meaning.

I think life can only be pure when there is meaning in it. We need to feel as though we are making some contribution to this world on a personal level. I do believe that our children are our greatest work and our ongoing memories... however I do think that we as individuals must also leave some sort of footprint on this world. This footprint can be a small imprint or a large neanderthal footprint... but it is imperative that we do leave that footprint in order for us to feel some sense of purpose.

I think we as a society become confused with materialistic bullshit to such a degree that we become blind and are somehow led to believe that acquiring wealth leads to the footprint in which we want to leaving on the world.

I think for me I seek financial gain so that I can have some form of freedom. I am seeking freedom from the time and the constraints that are forced upon me to obtain the money that leads to that freedom. I hope that I can aquire that freedom and wealth so that my kids will always have a larger air of freedom and that more of their time can be used to plant their footprint in this world and less of their time is needed to aquire wealth.

Although deep inside I know that true freedom comes from pursuing happiness and not pursuing the almighty dollar. The problem is that we are so ingrained from birth to seek the dollar that it is hard to break out of the cycle! I mean my brain is like a living dollar calculator... constantly calculating dollars and determining how many I have... how many I need and how I can get more!

Fucked up little cycle right? Hopefully I can learn the trick to pull my kids out of that cycle. Hopefully they can just maintain wealth and not need to pursue it so rigorously!